week one, friday...mid-day?

[varunastra]

[ Serph gives it a bit before he seeks Akira out, not only to give Akira time to process, or because Akira is now the most popular guy on the island, but also to give himself some time to find his center.

Nothing ruins an honest expression of sympathy like letting them hear your stomach growl.

But he does get his thoughts reined back in, after a bit (removing himself from the sight and the smell certainly helps), and waits for what seems like an opportune moment, or as opportune as one can be given the horrific circumstances, before he approaches. ]

I'm sorry about your comrade.

[ No preamble. But everyone's noticed by now that he's not great at small talk. ]

Comments

[jokered]

[it's fine. akira doesn't really need small talk, or someone giving him the same "are you okay?" schtick that feels a bit hollow right now.

it comes from a good place, of course.

people are concerned because he reacted pretty badly to the situation, but he's not used to people worrying about him and it's undoubtedly a bit much.]

I appreciate it. [the condolences, they're kind though. haru deserved better than that, after all.

but akira is bad on focusing on himself. deflecting, being concerned about others—that's a little easier for him.] How are you holding up?

[yes. one of the first things he's concerned about with serph is legitimately how his appetite is after a week of no humans to eat—

and the knowledge that there's one there for the taking.]

[varunastra]

[ Serph at least strongly suspects it's deflection, but maybe because he's used to doing it himself. It's the first (and most important, he thinks) part of being a leader: seeing to everyone else before you worry about yourself.

And maybe that's why his own response is something of a deflection, or at least an attempt at one - ]

I am managing.

[ "Fine" sounds a little too much like bullshit, but he could be doing much worse. It's easier to push the urges down when he's not staring Haru's body in the face. ]

[jokered]

[they could probably play deflection ping-pong all day, really. akira recognizes it as well.

the silence is long, though perhaps not awkward. it's more contemplative than anything else. in all honesty, though he's terribly upset and traumatized over the situation, he's not able to be that selfish. to only think of himself or how he feels when this is difficult for everyone, even if in a different way.]

...She wouldn't want you to suffer or starve.

[yes. he's definitely going somewhere with this.]

[varunastra]

[ Silence, again.

He's not blind, and he can absolutely see that this is going somewhere, but - you don't just propose eating someone's comrade. Comrades are everything. ]

[jokered]

[he's making an executive decision as leader here.]

Not everything. Not... all of her.

[oh.]

But for your sake and everyone else's— [he draws in a breath.] I won't let her sacrifice go to waste completely.

[if she can help one more person, even in death... doesn't that make it just the slightest bit better?]

[varunastra]

You're certain?

[ God.

The fact that they're here, having to make decisions like this - it's reprehensible. ]

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I don't want to disrespect your comrade, either.

[ Although he can certainly follow the logic that risking him going mad and taking out whoever was nearby, when they have the means to stop it - that would be disrespectful in itself, perhaps.

It's just that he remembers Argilla, and her devastation and anger when they realized that Bat had eaten what was left of Jinana. Cielo's rage at the Tribhvana who had eaten his own comrades to try and gain the strength to beat them. They couldn't help what they were, but it was their bonds as comrades that had held them together, through the worst of everything.

He doesn't want to go crazy and eat anyone, but he doesn't want to bring that kind of pain on Akira, either. ]

[jokered]

I know. I'm making this offer to you. You don't have to feel as if you're causing either of us disrespect.

[is this difficult? of course it is. but as a leader, it's his job to make those choices—and right now, the fact that he's that sort of person definitely shows.

there's more to him than meets the eye, to be certain.]

I can't offer much, and I don't know how much that will satiate you, but I hope it can sustain you for a little longer. I plan to burn the rest and keep those remains with me out of respect for her.

[he's making a lot of difficult choices, but it's fine.]

[varunastra]

[ He may not be offering much, but it's more than Serph ever would have expected, given the circumstances. Since they emerged from the Junkyard, the Embryon have been met with distrust at best. Even their erstwhile allies in Lokapala were slow to stop keeping them at arm's length, with Cielo's life as collateral for their assistance. Some of them, he thinks, probably died still distrusting them.

And here's Akira, on what could presumably qualify as the worst day of his life, still making the offer.

Serph closes his eyes for a moment, and then nods, deeply. ]

Thank you.

[jokered]

[that's the sort of person akira is. perhaps that speaks volumes of his character, of the way he is and how he treats others.

of course it's impossibly hard in some ways. this is undoubtedly one of the worst, if not the worst day of his life. but the world doesn't stop because he's having a shitty day. other people have lives to lead, people like serph still need to eat.

these things don't change just because he's having a bad day. the world doesn't revolve around him. it doesn't revolve around what happened—he will still do everything in his power to find who killed haru and bring forth justice. but... that doesn't mean he can't help someone else while in the process.]

You need to eat too. [he says quietly.] Not because I'm worried about you going berserk. But it's just too cruel for you to starve and suffer more than the rest of us because of something beyond your control.

[this is what he can do. so he will.]

[varunastra]

[ For someone who's only very recently become properly acquainted with the concept of experiencing emotions, Serph's certainly had an awful lot of them thrown his way in a very short time.

And if experiencing emotions is still pretty new, expressing them is even more so. He didn't take to it as easily as Heat, or Argilla, or Cielo.

So it's still muted, as with everything he does, but it's a very loaded gaze he gives Akira, because there are so many things he feels like he should express, but isn't quite sure how. ]

I won't pretend the situations were comparable, but I have also lost comrades.

[ Not comparable, and in many ways, he's sure his losses were easier to deal with, if only because war is all he's ever known. Argilla, Roland, Gale, Cielo - they all made their choices to make a final stand for the sake of everyone, and Heat...that, too, was a choice, even if it was complicated in ways he can't begin to explain.

Haru was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, a senseless sacrifice for the sake of simply causing pain. ]

It isn't easy. To make these kinds of decisions, when you still have so much... [ Grief? Anger? Hurt? All of the above? ] ...so much to deal with.

[ The second "thank you" isn't spoken, but it's still hanging on the air as clearly as if he'd said it out loud. ]

[jokered]

[and yet... akira seems to understand it.

the unspoken thank you. the look in his eyes. the meaning behind his words. akira can sense the weight, the feelings of sympathy and understanding.]

I know the situations aren't comparable, but loss is loss. It doesn't matter how it happens—it sucks. I think we both understand that.

[akira was usually the one who put his life on the line for everyone else. for his team—for haru. he would take the fall even if it meant the worst, so long as they were kept safe from harm.]

Necessary decisions aren't always easy ones. They're... usually not. [he's definitely feeling grief, anger, hurt, despair—fury.

but for now, he steels himself. this needs to be done and cared for.] This decision isn't for the others to make, though. She was my friend, so I get last rites.

[what they decide to do with other bodies, if they can use that to sustain serph—they'll work on that later. he'll help, of course, but when it comes to haru, he's making this choice.] She trusted my judgment, so I'll make sure her senseless sacrifice isn't wasted.

[there's a bit of a hardened edge in his eyes—akira is definitely working at it to hold back a lot of his emotions, but it doesn't seem like he intends to change his mind on this, despite the difficult position he's in.]

[varunastra]

[ A nod - a very firm one, this time. Akira's resolve is obvious enough, even without the words to back it up. Haru's sacrifice, and Akira's resolve, are not to be disrespected, and while Serph wanted to be sure that there wouldn't be any second thoughts or regrets when it was too late to take it back, he also knows the face of a man who's made up his mind and is going to stand his ground when he sees it.

It's incredibly fucked up that the best thing he can do to respect the two of them is to devour what's left of Haru, but what about this entire situation isn't fucked up? ]

Whenever you're ready, then.

[ He's ignored his hunger for a few days, he can certainly ignore it for a few more if need be. ]

[jokered]

[everything about the situation is fucked up, but akira acknowledges it. he knows it. he'll need a couple of days to really sort through things and make some sense of how he feels.

for now, though?]

I'll let you know. I'll try not to keep you waiting long, either.

[he'll do his best so that serph doesn't have to be hungry for too much longer, even if it's only a very, very temporary solution to the problem.]